Friday, October 05, 2007

The WHOLE Story

*please note: things on this blog are normally on the light, and some what funny side. Today's post will most likely be neither of those things. Consider yourself warned. :-)

As I have posted the past few days, I have not been feeling too hot over this past week. Well...there is more to the story than what I have shared, and I think at this point I'm ready to share it all. Pull up a chair....this might get long.

So about 4 weeks ago, we took Frankie to get groomed. Well, I was very late getting my period, and just to rule it out, I decided to get a pregnancy test. I was for sure I was not pregnant, but I just wanted to rule it out. However, the test came back positive. I WAS PREGNANT! This was very shocking news to both Donnie and I! I cried. I'm not sure if they were happy tears. At this time we told VERY few people. We wanted to wait a bit to let everyone know.

Over the next few weeks Donnie and I got pumped about having a baby. I checked out pregnancy books from the library and started my prenatal vitamins. Donnie and I would browse the baby department of stores, and we even had a named picked out. I even planned how I wanted to decorate the nursery.

Things were going great, until this past week. Last Friday night I started cramping and bleeding a bit. I know some bleeding is common, so I did not think anything of it. However, as I posted, I was still feeling bad all weekend, and went to the doctor, who said I had a badder infection. I was still bleeding at this point, so I called my new O.B.G.Y.N.'s emergency number on Sunday. The fastest they could get me in was on Tuesday. So all I could do was wait till then.

On Tuesday, Donnie and I went to the doctor to have my blood taken, and have an ultrasound done. I was told that there was no sign of pregnancy with the ultra sound. I was saddened by this, but I still had hope. I knew because I was still so early they might not see anything.

On Wednesday I got the news that my blood work showed that I still had the pregnancy hormone running in my vanes. This gave me hope that everything might be okay! I had to go back in on Thursday so they could see if my hormone levels were going up or down. (up meaning I'm pregnant, down meaning a miscarriage) Again I had to wait.

I was anxiously awaiting to hear from the doctor today. Donnie and I ran to Petsmart (where the whole story started) when I got the call. I had miscarried. This was devastating news to hear, especially standing right next to doggie treats.

My mind soon filled with what if's

What if I would have ate better?
What if I would have not been walking so much?
What if I would have rested more?
What if I would have rested less?

Then the spiritual what if's

What if I had prayed more?
What if I had read my bible more?
What if I was a better person?

I'm telling you, the what if's are the hardest part.

Then I get mad, why did God have to take our baby away from us? I know the common answer for this is that sin is in the world, and because of sin, people die. For some reason, this is not a comforting thought. Also, I have been hearing that "God has a plan". God planned to take my baby from me? Before I have even got to meet him or her? This thought is not is not very comforting also.

I would love any and all prayers at this time for Donnie and I to remain strong during this difficult time.

8 comments:

kb said...

Every prayer I got is with you and Donnie.

Rain said...

My prayers are with you both, I am so sorry to hear that. I have had a week of horrible events here myself. Read my blog for the update and I will try to call you guys this coming week.

Courtney said...

Oh, Stacey, I'm so sorry! :-( I can't imagine the (physical and) emotional roller coaster you must have been on the past several weeks with all of this! I will be thinking of you both!

Anonymous said...

God, bring peace to Stacey and Donnie during these days of confusion and frustration. We know that we will never understand the purpose for this sadness -- but we also know that you are capable of sustaining them and bringing joy in their future. Amen

amy (oaks)

AnneMarie said...

God,

I ask that your miraculous hand be upon Stacey and Donnie. I ask for comfort and peace. I ask for healing in the sweet name of Jesus! I ask that you breath your breath of life upon them. You Word states that you will give them hope and a future. God, we stand upon that on behalf of this beautiful couple. God, I ask that you make it evident to them that you are in the midst of their family. God, be glorified!

Sherry said...

I am so sorry Stacey. You and Donnie will be in my prayers. Lean on your faith and God will help you both through this.

Hugs,

Sherry

Nicki Bradshaw said...

Stacey, It is always so difficult to put answers as to "why" we experience loss, grief, disappointment etc... but I am confident that God is good and He will bring about some amazing healing and life from this. He is a resurrection God. He will bring healing, hope and joy to you. He will use you to demonstrate true authenticity of faith to others from your story. I am here for you. I love you and I am praying for you. Psalm 3.3.
Nicki B.

Elizabeth Foote said...

Stacey- I have been reading your blog and have LOVED getting your little notes. Life has been very busy- but no excuse for being a bad friend. I just wanted to let you know I read this and am praying for you!